1
00:00:03,302 --> 00:00:07,171
[♪]
2
00:01:10,335 --> 00:01:12,037
[door slams]
3
00:01:19,111 --> 00:01:20,845
[peg exhales]
4
00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:23,447
Hmm.
5
00:01:23,448 --> 00:01:26,685
"cher to wed 21-year-old alien."
6
00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:28,653
Well, good for her!
7
00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:29,788
Hey, peg.
8
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:30,989
Oh, good.
9
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:34,292
I caught you
on a break.
10
00:01:34,293 --> 00:01:35,593
Listen.
11
00:01:35,594 --> 00:01:38,629
Last night I saw a bright star
shining in the east.
12
00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:39,764
Peg...
13
00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:42,366
Did you do our laundry?
14
00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:44,169
I had to.
15
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,970
One of your shirts
reached out of the hamper,
16
00:01:45,971 --> 00:01:47,706
Grabbed me around the windpipe,
17
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:50,742
And demanded
to be taken to the airport.
18
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:52,077
Stupid shirt.
19
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:54,278
If it was that easy,
I would've been gone years ago.
20
00:01:54,279 --> 00:01:55,646
Now, look, peg.
21
00:01:55,647 --> 00:01:57,716
Two months ago, I bought
20 pair of socks.
22
00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:59,417
Now I got
20 swinging singles
23
00:01:59,418 --> 00:02:02,954
With only
one complete pair.
24
00:02:02,955 --> 00:02:04,222
Then wear them.
25
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:05,456
I can't.
26
00:02:05,457 --> 00:02:07,826
They're the socks
I got married in.
27
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:12,897
The evil socks.
28
00:02:12,898 --> 00:02:14,699
What are you doing
with my socks, peg?
29
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:18,036
I didn't want to tell you
because I knew you'd get upset,
30
00:02:18,037 --> 00:02:21,072
But I traded your socks
and the family cow
31
00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:23,007
For these magic beans.
32
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,377
Something's going on here, peg.
33
00:02:26,378 --> 00:02:28,613
Something dark, something deep,
something sinister,
34
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:30,749
So I know a woman's behind it.
35
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:31,950
Now, I called all my friends,
36
00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,218
And their socks
are disappearing too,
37
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:37,088
And their wives
claim they don't know either.
38
00:02:37,089 --> 00:02:38,957
So level with me, peg.
39
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:44,695
What is oprah telling you
to do with our socks?
40
00:02:44,696 --> 00:02:47,298
Or was it geraldo?
41
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,167
Sell a shoe, al.
42
00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:52,103
Fine,
but I'll be watching you.
43
00:02:53,405 --> 00:02:55,406
Mom, dad, big news
at school today.
44
00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:56,975
All the guys
are losing their socks
45
00:02:56,976 --> 00:03:00,311
While the girls in home ec
giggle fiendishly?
46
00:03:00,312 --> 00:03:03,547
Mom, big news in school today.
47
00:03:03,548 --> 00:03:06,217
The tap-dancing club was doing
a recital in the ghetto.
48
00:03:06,218 --> 00:03:08,219
Now, apparently, all the gangs
banded together
49
00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:09,687
And attacked their bus.
50
00:03:09,688 --> 00:03:11,990
They couldn't figure out why,
but it seems that someone
51
00:03:11,991 --> 00:03:14,259
Spray-painted a slogan on
the side of the bus that said,
52
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:19,397
"we may be nerds, but at least
we're not poor. Ha ha."
53
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,565
That's terrible.
54
00:03:21,566 --> 00:03:23,168
Who would do
a mean thing like that?
55
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:25,236
I'll give you a hint.
56
00:03:25,237 --> 00:03:26,938
She lives here,
57
00:03:26,939 --> 00:03:29,073
Has white hair,
58
00:03:29,074 --> 00:03:31,475
And misspelled "ha ha."
59
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,948
Oh, no.
Not what's-her-name.
60
00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:38,616
It's kelly, al.
61
00:03:38,617 --> 00:03:41,052
Yeah, that's the one.
62
00:03:41,053 --> 00:03:44,255
Our spelling bee winner
should be here any second.
63
00:03:44,256 --> 00:03:46,324
Dad, please,
go easy on her.
64
00:03:46,325 --> 00:03:47,491
I'll get your belt.
65
00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:52,430
Hi, everybody.
66
00:03:52,431 --> 00:03:53,597
Hi, kelly.
67
00:03:53,598 --> 00:03:55,666
Anything interesting
happen at school today?
68
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:57,335
Oh, not to me.
69
00:03:57,336 --> 00:03:58,236
Well, good night.
70
00:03:59,705 --> 00:04:01,206
Kelly!
71
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:02,506
Oh, yeah.
72
00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:04,075
There was this
one thing, though.
73
00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:06,711
There's this girl
who looks just like me
74
00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:08,313
Who got into
a peck of trouble today,
75
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:10,949
So if the principal calls and--
76
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:14,385
Gee, mom,
you look fantastic,
77
00:04:14,386 --> 00:04:15,253
And, dad...
78
00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:20,458
Doesn't mom look fantastic?
79
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:23,794
Hey, what say we unplug
the phones and play yahtzee?
80
00:04:23,795 --> 00:04:25,396
Dad, I couldn't find your belt,
81
00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:28,466
But I figured
we'd tie her down with this...
82
00:04:30,702 --> 00:04:31,702
Hi, kelly.
83
00:04:31,703 --> 00:04:33,338
You told, didn't you?
84
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,139
Just about the spray painting,
85
00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:37,808
Not that you came in
at 2 a.M. Last night.
86
00:04:40,212 --> 00:04:42,080
Oops.
87
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,382
You know you're going to be
punished for this, don't you?
88
00:04:44,383 --> 00:04:46,617
Well, you're gonna
have to take a number.
89
00:04:46,618 --> 00:04:48,953
They're already
punishing me at school.
90
00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:50,521
Principal wicker's
been out to get me
91
00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:52,490
Ever since I stole
her stupid husband.
92
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:59,998
I mean, some chalk.
93
00:04:59,999 --> 00:05:01,665
Well, what's she
going to do to you?
94
00:05:01,666 --> 00:05:03,067
I have to join
the tap club.
95
00:05:03,068 --> 00:05:06,004
With the nerds
and the geeks?
96
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:09,207
Nerds, dips, feebs
and geeks.
[groans]
97
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,209
I either tap,
or I'm out of school.
98
00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:12,643
What would you do, mom?
99
00:05:12,644 --> 00:05:15,079
I'd quit school.
100
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,715
Way to go, supermom.
101
00:05:19,251 --> 00:05:20,885
I can't quit school.
102
00:05:20,886 --> 00:05:23,221
I need school.
It's like my office.
103
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,722
I check in, I get my messages,
104
00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:27,892
I go to lunch...
105
00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:31,262
I close a couple of deals,
and I go home.
106
00:05:31,263 --> 00:05:33,264
I mean, if I'm on the streets,
I'm just another...
107
00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:34,465
Flophouse toy?
108
00:05:36,368 --> 00:05:40,071
No, girl-repellent.
109
00:05:40,072 --> 00:05:42,307
I need school.
I belong there.
110
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:43,308
It's where I'm cool.
111
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,575
It's where I'm important.
112
00:05:44,576 --> 00:05:48,612
It's where
I can get a hot meal.
113
00:05:48,613 --> 00:05:51,416
But if I tap,
I'll be branded as an ortho.
114
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,451
Oh, god, my brain hurts.
Somebody help me.
115
00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,086
Okay, look.
116
00:05:55,087 --> 00:05:58,056
Kelly, what you did was wrong.
117
00:05:58,057 --> 00:06:00,358
It was funny, though.
118
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,625
But wrong.
119
00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:02,927
Uh, I guess.
120
00:06:02,928 --> 00:06:04,795
Look, there's two things
that bundys don't do:
121
00:06:04,796 --> 00:06:08,766
We don't eat vegetables,
and we don't tap.
122
00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:10,601
So take one more tap class,
123
00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:13,037
And tomorrow
I'll get up,
124
00:06:13,038 --> 00:06:14,872
Paint one of my ankles,
go to work,
125
00:06:14,873 --> 00:06:16,474
And then after that,
I'll see your principal.
126
00:06:16,475 --> 00:06:17,842
Thanks, daddy.
127
00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:19,243
Then I'll go
to the airport,
128
00:06:19,244 --> 00:06:21,446
And I'll go to borneo,
129
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,014
Where I'll be I'll be known as
130
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:24,949
"that great white bwana
with no socks."
131
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,552
Roll,
132
00:06:28,553 --> 00:06:29,587
Fold,
133
00:06:29,588 --> 00:06:32,423
And flip.
134
00:06:32,424 --> 00:06:34,292
See? It's easy.
135
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:37,462
Steve's mother used to
twist, twist, and tuck.
136
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:41,499
Of course,
steve's mother is an idiot.
137
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,167
She sewed his name
in his underwear
138
00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:44,835
When we got married, you know.
139
00:06:44,836 --> 00:06:47,472
Al's mother just threw up
in the dip.
140
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:52,243
They can't let go,
can they?
141
00:06:52,244 --> 00:06:53,644
How come al
has so many socks?
142
00:06:53,645 --> 00:06:55,546
Well, last night,
143
00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:57,948
After al learned
that a man with $20
144
00:06:57,949 --> 00:07:00,551
Is not a king in borneo,
145
00:07:00,552 --> 00:07:02,420
He went out to buy some socks
146
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:06,790
At bob's pre-owned
socks 'n stuff.
147
00:07:06,791 --> 00:07:09,260
He's on this weird
sock quest,
148
00:07:09,261 --> 00:07:10,428
And he just won't believe
149
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:12,930
That I don't lose them
on purpose.
150
00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:14,798
Does steve blame you
when his socks disappear?
151
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:17,035
Oh, steve never loses a sock.
152
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,771
He pins them together
before I wash them.
153
00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:23,741
Another tip from mommy.
154
00:07:23,742 --> 00:07:27,111
Yeah, al's mother had
a tip for him too,
155
00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:29,447
"don't eat the dip tonight."
156
00:07:31,483 --> 00:07:32,950
[tapping footsteps]
157
00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:43,361
Well, I'm a dweeb.
158
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:45,829
Honey, what happened
to your shoes?
159
00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:47,231
Oh, same thing
that happens
160
00:07:47,232 --> 00:07:48,533
To all
nerds' possessions--
161
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:51,069
The cool kids stole them
and threw them down the sewer.
162
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,437
Then they said,
163
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:55,005
"gee, I wish kelly was here
to see this girl crying."
164
00:07:55,006 --> 00:07:57,308
Well, how was class?
165
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:59,643
Oh, it was keen, mom.
166
00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:01,712
Today, they made me dance
with marty newberger,
167
00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:05,249
The four-eyed saliva machine.
168
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:08,453
[masculinely]
he wants to be friends.
169
00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:09,887
Kelly's principal
170
00:08:09,888 --> 00:08:11,822
Is making her
take tap dancing.
171
00:08:11,823 --> 00:08:14,725
Oh, how wonderful!
172
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:17,195
I took tap and cotillion
when I was growing up.
173
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:18,196
Isn't it fun?
174
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:20,231
Fun?
175
00:08:20,232 --> 00:08:22,100
The whole class
is geeks and dweebs.
176
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,167
Really?
177
00:08:23,168 --> 00:08:24,335
When I took tap,
178
00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:27,572
There were no geeks or dweebs
in my class.
179
00:08:31,977 --> 00:08:33,944
Well, I'm gonna
shuffle off, shuffle off,
180
00:08:33,945 --> 00:08:36,880
Shuffle off
in front of a truck.
181
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:40,218
Daddy,
did you talk to the principal?
182
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,720
Did you save my life?
Did you get me off?
183
00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:44,855
Did daddy ever
let you down before?
184
00:08:44,856 --> 00:08:45,956
Lots of times.
185
00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:47,091
Then you won't be surprised
186
00:08:47,092 --> 00:08:48,559
At what daddy
has to say to you.
187
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:53,131
I went into
mrs. Wicker's office
188
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,732
And had it out
with her man-to-man.
189
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:57,235
I forgot how much
she hated me.
190
00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,370
Peg, she remembered
you, too.
191
00:08:59,371 --> 00:09:00,971
She called you
"the big easy."
192
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:04,808
Well, we get into it,
193
00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:06,810
I called her big nose,
she called me one sock,
194
00:09:06,811 --> 00:09:08,446
And, uh, well,
the upshot is--
195
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:09,747
The upshot is
196
00:09:09,748 --> 00:09:11,549
I'm not allowed within
100 yards of the school
197
00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:13,017
Until the night
of your dance recital.
198
00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:15,052
I don't have to do
a dance recital.
199
00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:17,555
You do now.
200
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,557
Boy, I'm hungry. What do
we got in the fridge?
201
00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:22,960
A milk carton
with a tree growing out of it.
202
00:09:22,961 --> 00:09:25,263
Well, chop it down,
cook it up.
203
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:29,967
Uh, doesn't
anybody care
204
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:31,001
That we seem to be
205
00:09:31,002 --> 00:09:32,403
Glossing over
the end of my life?
206
00:09:32,404 --> 00:09:34,972
Uh, excuse me here,
207
00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:37,642
But there is nothing wrong
with tap.
208
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:38,776
I tap.
209
00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:40,110
Steve taps.
210
00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:42,246
Sammy davis jr. Taps,
211
00:09:42,247 --> 00:09:45,249
And he is one hep black cat.
212
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:47,084
Tap is an art form.
213
00:09:47,085 --> 00:09:51,755
Open yourself to tap,
you'll never look back.
214
00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:57,061
Mom, while mrs. Rhoades
finishes her geek attack,
215
00:09:57,062 --> 00:09:59,463
Let me explain
this to you
216
00:09:59,464 --> 00:10:01,732
So that
you can understand.
217
00:10:01,733 --> 00:10:03,434
There's this guy.
218
00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:04,902
He is a god...
219
00:10:04,903 --> 00:10:08,673
The janitor
at our school.
220
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,908
So obviously
all the girls want him.
221
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:14,011
Okay, I'm with you,
I'm with you.
222
00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:15,779
All right, so I've been
playing it cool.
223
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:17,682
You know, a little smile,
a little wink,
224
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:20,651
A little, "hey, bruno,
look at this."
225
00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:21,852
You know,
he's on the hook,
226
00:10:21,853 --> 00:10:23,254
And I'm just about
to land him.
227
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:24,455
He thinks I'm cool,
228
00:10:24,456 --> 00:10:26,056
But if he sees me wearing
these horseshoes,
229
00:10:26,057 --> 00:10:27,458
He's gonna go for
some other slut.
230
00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:28,326
Oh, mom!
231
00:10:34,633 --> 00:10:37,101
Honey, you may not
believe this now,
232
00:10:37,102 --> 00:10:41,239
But there will be
other janitors.
233
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,474
Not like this one.
234
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:45,610
Oh, I know, I know,
235
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:48,779
But honey, we're not rich enough
to send you to private school,
236
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:51,482
You're not smart enough
to get an equivalency diploma,
237
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:52,650
And unless your father
238
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:55,253
Comes up with
a brilliant idea...
239
00:11:00,692 --> 00:11:05,463
I'm afraid you're
gonna have to tap.
240
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,603
Miss music, cue it up, please.
241
00:11:12,604 --> 00:11:15,172
["anything goes" playing]
242
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:18,342
Hey, "anything goes."
243
00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:20,210
That's your song,
isn't it, kel?
244
00:11:20,211 --> 00:11:21,479
[mouths]
245
00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:25,416
Focus, kelly. Focus.
246
00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:27,985
All right. Now, watch me.
247
00:11:27,986 --> 00:11:31,756
And a-five, six, seven, eight.
248
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:32,990
Hop, shuffle, step.
249
00:11:32,991 --> 00:11:36,260
Fa-lap, ball change.
250
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:37,127
Now you.
251
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:45,269
Nerd, geek, dweeb,
da-weeb, nerd, dork.
252
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:46,270
Good, good.
253
00:11:46,271 --> 00:11:48,339
See, you're starting
to feel it.
254
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,340
Now with me.
255
00:11:49,341 --> 00:11:50,341
Miss music, hit it.
256
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:51,975
A-five, six, seven, eight.
257
00:11:51,976 --> 00:11:53,177
["anything goes" playing]
258
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,715
Al, look at
our little girl.
259
00:11:58,817 --> 00:12:00,518
We don't really
have to go
260
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,085
To a recital, do we?
261
00:12:02,086 --> 00:12:05,389
Peg, remember
the bundy credo:
262
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:06,590
When one bundy
is embarrassed,
263
00:12:06,591 --> 00:12:09,560
The rest of us feel
better about ourselves.
264
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:16,367
Well, we're gonna be feeling
mighty good come showtime.
265
00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:18,436
Hop, shuffle, step,
shuffle, step,
266
00:12:18,437 --> 00:12:19,603
Shuffle, ball change,
ball change,
267
00:12:19,604 --> 00:12:20,638
Hop, shuffle, step,
268
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:21,772
Shuffle, step, shuffle, step,
269
00:12:21,773 --> 00:12:25,443
Ball change, ball change,
cramp roll...
270
00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:26,610
Bring it home, baby!
271
00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,479
Bring it home!
272
00:12:29,981 --> 00:12:32,082
And the big finish!
273
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:34,685
Oh!
274
00:12:38,957 --> 00:12:39,957
Oh!
275
00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:41,559
Oh, steve!
276
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,494
Yeah, I know, I know.
277
00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:47,431
Kelly?
278
00:12:47,432 --> 00:12:49,633
Kelly!
279
00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:50,668
Don't do that!
280
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,337
You can have fun
in those shoes.
281
00:12:53,338 --> 00:12:54,739
See, your problem is
282
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,741
You're not tuned in to
the true spirit of tap
283
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:58,008
And what tap
can do for you.
284
00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:01,111
Now, tap can be your
friend, you know,
285
00:13:01,112 --> 00:13:02,980
On those lonely nights
286
00:13:02,981 --> 00:13:04,081
When the cool kids
287
00:13:04,082 --> 00:13:07,351
Don't invite you
to their parties.
288
00:13:07,352 --> 00:13:08,753
When everybody else
is out having fun,
289
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:10,921
But you're home, studying,
290
00:13:10,922 --> 00:13:12,256
Trying to make something
of yourself,
291
00:13:12,257 --> 00:13:13,323
So that someday
292
00:13:13,324 --> 00:13:15,459
You can own the best car
in the neighborhood.
293
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:17,461
And on those mornings
when you look in the mirror,
294
00:13:17,462 --> 00:13:21,164
And see a guy
who's pretty darn good-looking,
295
00:13:21,165 --> 00:13:24,334
But shunned
because of his intelligence.
296
00:13:24,335 --> 00:13:26,036
But they'll be sorry someday,
297
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:29,306
Because everybody needs
a car or a home loan,
298
00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:33,744
And that's when they come
crawling on their bellies to me.
299
00:13:33,745 --> 00:13:37,214
So I guess "steve, steve,
the school's pet peeve"
300
00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:39,349
Is worth something after all.
301
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:42,319
So crawl, crawl, you paupers,
and kiss my--
302
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,621
Uh--
what?
303
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:44,488
Steve.
304
00:13:47,959 --> 00:13:48,959
Oh.
305
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,928
Anyhow, the point is
306
00:13:50,929 --> 00:13:53,831
Tap builds character
for people who need it.
307
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,933
I didn't. I was popular.
308
00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:59,369
I played the accordion.
309
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:02,339
Al, we've got to
do something.
310
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:04,508
We cannot let her
turn out like this.
311
00:14:04,509 --> 00:14:06,777
Peg, if she doesn't tap,
she's out of school.
312
00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:10,147
Then she'll be home
all day with you.
313
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:12,082
And hop,
shuffle, step,
314
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:13,451
Fa-lap,
ball change.
315
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,922
Oh, very good.
316
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,623
Very good.
317
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:21,959
Al, she dances
like a horse.
318
00:14:23,962 --> 00:14:25,496
[applause]
319
00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:32,102
That was fun, wasn't it?
320
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,405
My goodness,
that newberger boy
321
00:14:35,406 --> 00:14:38,509
Doesn't swallow
at all, does he?
322
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,277
He gets some good distance, too.
323
00:14:43,648 --> 00:14:45,215
Al, maybe
it's not too late
324
00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:47,017
To get kelly
out of this.
325
00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:49,487
Try saying something nice
to principal wicker.
326
00:14:52,991 --> 00:14:56,159
You're looking
less ugly tonight.
327
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,729
If your daughter isn't great,
she's out of here
328
00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:00,364
Like spit
through a trumpet.
329
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:03,767
There's no
reaching her, peg.
330
00:15:03,768 --> 00:15:05,235
Oh, and by the way,
331
00:15:05,236 --> 00:15:07,037
A week ago I had
10 pairs of socks.
332
00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,272
Now I have a red
and a green one.
333
00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:10,474
I know you're
up to something.
334
00:15:10,475 --> 00:15:11,575
All women are in it.
335
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:13,210
It's a signal,
isn't it?
336
00:15:13,211 --> 00:15:16,514
It means "a year
before we strike."
337
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,716
Al, you're just
being paranoid.
338
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:41,204
I just know kelly's going
to mix up my instructions.
339
00:15:41,205 --> 00:15:43,040
She's going to shuffle
when she should be balling.
340
00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:44,241
I just know it.
341
00:15:48,212 --> 00:15:49,580
Hop, shuffle, death.
342
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:50,915
Hop, shuffle, fail.
343
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,283
Hop, shuffle, bus station.
344
00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:54,284
[sighs]
345
00:15:54,285 --> 00:15:55,519
Hi, kel.
346
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:56,554
Gee,
347
00:15:56,555 --> 00:15:59,990
Are your front teeth
starting to protrude?
348
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:02,560
Isn't that an early warning
sign of geekdom?
349
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:04,494
How come no date tonight, bud?
350
00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:07,197
Couldn't get the wig on buck?
351
00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:09,132
That's funny, kel.
352
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,534
Hey, can you do me
a favor?
353
00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:11,936
Can you say...
"duh-eeee?"
354
00:16:14,439 --> 00:16:15,439
Oh, god!
355
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,507
It's him.
It's bruno.
356
00:16:17,508 --> 00:16:19,944
If he sees me,
I'm going to die.
357
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,378
Hey, bruno, look.
358
00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:22,446
It's kelly.
359
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:25,415
Hi, kelly.
360
00:16:25,416 --> 00:16:26,416
I didn't
recognize you.
361
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:28,752
How come you look
like a geek?
362
00:16:28,753 --> 00:16:32,255
Well, it's, uh,
"be kind to geek week,"
363
00:16:32,256 --> 00:16:33,423
So, you know...
364
00:16:33,424 --> 00:16:35,358
Oh, yeah, yeah.
365
00:16:35,359 --> 00:16:36,827
Hey, did you see
newberger out there
366
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:39,563
Fizzing his way
across the stage?
367
00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:42,099
I wonder if he does lawns
on the weekends?
368
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:45,669
Listen, you don't want
to watch these geeks.
369
00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:47,071
Why don't you
hit the parking lot
370
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,272
And pick out a car
we can take for a ride?
371
00:16:49,273 --> 00:16:51,408
Hey, you know,
I'd love to,
372
00:16:51,409 --> 00:16:54,244
But, you know,
it's a parole violation.
373
00:16:54,245 --> 00:16:55,646
I think I'll just
hang with you
374
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:56,546
And laugh at the nerds.
375
00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:00,784
I'm laughing
already.
376
00:17:00,785 --> 00:17:02,586
Uh-oh, newberger's
talking to somebody.
377
00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:03,787
I'd better
go use this mop
378
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:05,422
Before they drown.
379
00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:09,093
Coming!
380
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:14,598
Gee, kel, what you
gonna to do now?
381
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:16,066
Host:
And now, the ganaywick sisters
382
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,968
Will delight you
with their tap interpretation
383
00:17:17,969 --> 00:17:20,704
Of "dueling banjos."
384
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:24,875
[slow thudding]
385
00:17:24,876 --> 00:17:27,011
I'm doomed.
386
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,746
Listen, kel,
387
00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,514
If it makes you
feel any better,
388
00:17:30,515 --> 00:17:31,949
I find this...
389
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,284
Very, very funny.
390
00:17:34,285 --> 00:17:36,186
What am I doing?
391
00:17:36,187 --> 00:17:38,188
I'm not a tap dancer.
I mean, let's face it,
392
00:17:38,189 --> 00:17:40,858
They're gonna throw me
out of school no matter what.
393
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,425
Well,
394
00:17:42,426 --> 00:17:44,028
One thing I've learned
from being a bundy
395
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:46,363
Is if you're gonna lose,
lose big.
396
00:17:46,364 --> 00:17:48,899
That's what dad does,
397
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,400
And that's what I'm going to do.
398
00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:52,602
Ah, what the hell.
399
00:17:52,603 --> 00:17:55,172
I hate you,
but you're my sister,
400
00:17:55,173 --> 00:17:57,541
So if you need help,
you got it.
401
00:18:00,444 --> 00:18:01,311
Hey, girlie...
402
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,614
How would you like
to keep your hair?
403
00:18:07,451 --> 00:18:08,418
[clapping]
404
00:18:11,589 --> 00:18:13,991
She's next, bundy. Ha ha!
405
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:15,325
Come on, wicker.
406
00:18:15,326 --> 00:18:17,828
You're not really going
to make my daughter
407
00:18:17,829 --> 00:18:19,629
Go through with this,
are you?
408
00:18:19,630 --> 00:18:22,232
Think back to when
you were a little girl...
409
00:18:22,233 --> 00:18:23,300
Roaming the range
410
00:18:23,301 --> 00:18:27,705
With the rest
of the buffalo.
411
00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:31,341
Scratching yourself
up against a tree.
412
00:18:31,342 --> 00:18:35,545
Trembling to the sound
of the iron horse.
413
00:18:35,546 --> 00:18:39,649
She dances
or she's expelled.
414
00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:42,019
There's no
charming her, peg.
415
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:45,322
Before our next act,
please, please remember,
416
00:18:45,323 --> 00:18:47,357
We need you
to contribute to our fund
417
00:18:47,358 --> 00:18:50,227
For a new tap club bus.
418
00:18:50,228 --> 00:18:53,496
And now I hope you'll welcome
our final act,
419
00:18:53,497 --> 00:18:55,032
Miss kelly bundy.
420
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:56,466
[applause]
421
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:02,172
Where's the top hat?
Where's the cane?
422
00:19:07,445 --> 00:19:10,413
["fever" playing over speakers]
423
00:19:21,893 --> 00:19:24,928
♪ I never know
how much I love you ♪
424
00:19:24,929 --> 00:19:27,497
♪ I never know
how much I care ♪
425
00:19:27,498 --> 00:19:31,534
♪ when you put
your arms around me ♪
426
00:19:31,535 --> 00:19:33,804
♪ I get a fever
that's so hard to bear ♪
427
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:34,872
♪ you give me fever ♪
428
00:19:37,608 --> 00:19:38,876
♪ when you kiss me ♪
429
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,078
♪ fever when you
hold me tight ♪
430
00:19:42,713 --> 00:19:44,414
♪ fever ♪
431
00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:45,916
♪ in the morning ♪
432
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,184
♪ fever all through the night ♪
433
00:19:52,723 --> 00:19:54,391
She's not doing--
434
00:19:54,392 --> 00:19:57,294
She is not doing
what I told--
435
00:19:57,295 --> 00:19:58,361
Marcie...
436
00:19:58,362 --> 00:20:00,798
Take me, tap master.
437
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:05,568
♪ you give me fever ♪
438
00:20:05,569 --> 00:20:08,071
Hey!
Cut that out!
439
00:20:08,072 --> 00:20:09,339
My little girl's
up there.
440
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:11,141
She's liable
to see you.
441
00:20:11,142 --> 00:20:13,944
Peg, has everybody
lost their minds but us?
442
00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:16,013
♪ never know
how much I love you ♪
443
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:19,283
♪ never know how much I care ♪
444
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:21,351
♪ when you put
your arms around me ♪
445
00:20:21,352 --> 00:20:22,719
Aah!
446
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,922
♪ I get a fever
that's so hard to bear ♪
447
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:28,692
♪ you give me fever ♪
448
00:20:28,693 --> 00:20:29,993
♪ when you kiss me ♪
449
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:31,594
♪ fever when you
hold me tight ♪
450
00:20:33,798 --> 00:20:35,498
♪ fever ♪
451
00:20:35,499 --> 00:20:36,766
♪ in the morning ♪
452
00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:38,668
♪ fever all though the night ♪
453
00:20:40,972 --> 00:20:44,107
♪ sun lights up the daytime ♪
454
00:20:44,108 --> 00:20:47,244
♪ moon lights up the night ♪
455
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:50,613
♪ I light up
when you call my name ♪
456
00:20:50,614 --> 00:20:53,116
♪ and you know
I'm gonna treat you right ♪
457
00:20:53,117 --> 00:20:54,184
♪ you give me fever ♪
458
00:20:56,988 --> 00:20:58,621
♪ when you kiss me ♪
459
00:20:58,622 --> 00:21:01,558
♪ fever when you
hold me tight ♪
460
00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:04,061
♪ fever ♪
461
00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:05,062
♪ in the morning ♪
462
00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,464
♪ fever all through the night ♪
463
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:14,271
♪ everybody's got the fever ♪
464
00:21:14,272 --> 00:21:17,674
♪ that is something
you all know ♪
465
00:21:17,675 --> 00:21:20,810
♪ fever isn't
such a new thing ♪
466
00:21:20,811 --> 00:21:22,746
♪ fever started long ago ♪
467
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,156
♪ ah ♪
468
00:21:46,504 --> 00:21:48,972
Well, we're done.
469
00:21:48,973 --> 00:21:51,008
Where did everybody go?
470
00:21:53,778 --> 00:21:55,512
Wasn't that nice?
471
00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:10,327
Oh, oh, thank you.
472
00:22:10,328 --> 00:22:11,328
Thank you.
473
00:22:11,329 --> 00:22:14,031
She's our best student,
you know.
474
00:22:14,032 --> 00:22:14,898
Oh.
475
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:17,667
She bit me
on the neck, peg!
476
00:22:17,668 --> 00:22:19,569
Now I'll live forever!
477
00:22:19,570 --> 00:22:21,138
Oh, no!
478
00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:23,373
[applause]
479
00:22:23,374 --> 00:22:24,808
Bud:
Kelly, help me!
480
00:22:24,809 --> 00:22:26,410
Please, please!
481
00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:28,511
A ganaywick
sister has me!
482
00:22:28,512 --> 00:22:29,980
Help!
483
00:22:45,463 --> 00:22:47,297
[♪]